The past three months have been a whirlwind of anxiety, stress, and endless gambling. I’ve experienced the highs of winning and the crushing lows of losing, all while convincing myself that I could control it. But the truth is, I was stuck in an exhausting cycle that I now recognize had a firm grip on my life.

It started with a $2,500 loss, which I managed to recover. Then I won $1,200, only to lose it again. I kept playing, chasing the feeling of winning, and soon found myself in deeper trouble. I’d recover my losses, feel a sense of relief, only to keep gambling and lose even more. At one point, I had a $2,500 gain, but I didn’t stop. I lost it all, plus $2,000 of my own money. I took a break, promising myself and my loved ones that I was done. But just a few days ago, I fell back into it losing another $2,000, then winning $4,000, then losing that too, plus another $8,000. Eventually, I recovered $5,400, but it didn’t feel like a win. It felt like a wake-up call.

This cycle of loss and recovery is mentally exhausting. Gambling stopped being about money and became an obsession. I realized I didn’t even value money the same way anymore. The thrill of betting overtook everything, and the more I played, the harder it became to stop.

I’m incredibly lucky to have come out of this without losing everything. But I refuse to test that luck again. I recognize my addiction, and I am taking action. I’ve spoken to my partner, self-excluded from all gambling sites, and have started working with a psychologist to address my addiction.

If you’re here because you’re questioning your own gambling habits, take this as a warning. Gambling is a dangerous cycle: one that is easy to fall into but incredibly difficult to escape. I’m choosing to walk away. I hope you do too.